Healing from People-Pleasing: Reclaiming Your Own Voice
Do you often say yes to avoid disappointing others? Apologise for things that aren’t your fault? Worry about being seen as “difficult” or “too much”? If so, you might be stuck in a people-pleasing pattern — a habit that often forms in childhood, but can quietly shape our adult lives in ways that leave us anxious, burnt out, and disconnected from our true selves.
Why We People-Please
People-pleasing is often a learned survival skill. It can stem from environments where love, safety, or approval were conditional — where keeping others happy was the best way to avoid conflict or feel accepted.
Over time, we internalise the belief that our worth is tied to how helpful, accommodating, or agreeable we are. We fear rejection, and so we shrink ourselves.
But here’s the truth: you are not here just to meet other people’s expectations.
The Cost of Always Pleasing
You become disconnected from your own needs and desires
You feel resentful, even when you appear “easy-going”
You struggle to say no, even when it’s harming you
You feel anxious about how others perceive you
The more we ignore ourselves to please others, the more distant we become from our authentic self.
Steps Toward Healing
Pause before you say yes. Ask yourself: Do I want to do this, or do I feel I have to?
Notice where guilt shows up. Guilt is often a sign you’re doing something new — not something wrong.
Start naming your preferences, even in small things. “I’d rather have tea than coffee,” “I don’t enjoy that show,” “I need a bit of quiet.” These are powerful steps.
Explore where your fear of disapproval comes from. A therapist can help untangle these deeper roots.
Practise self-validation. You don’t need everyone’s approval to be okay.
Final Thought
You were never meant to be everything for everyone. You are allowed to take up space, have needs, and live in alignment with who you are — not just who others want you to be.
People-pleasing kept you safe once. But now, it’s time to come home to yourself.