Understanding Your Nervous System: Why You React the Way You Do
Ever felt like your reactions don’t quite “match” the situation? Maybe you shut down during conflict, feel overwhelmed by small stresses, or can’t relax even when things are going well. You're not alone — and you're not broken.
These responses often aren’t flaws in your personality. They’re patterns rooted in your nervous system — the part of your body that’s constantly scanning for safety or threat, often without your conscious awareness.
When we understand how our nervous system works, we can start to respond with more compassion — and more choice.
What Is the Nervous System, Really?
At its core, your nervous system is your internal safety detector. It's always trying to keep you alive and protected. Depending on what it senses, it shifts you into different states:
Calm and connected – When you feel safe, you can think clearly, engage with others, and feel present.
Fight or flight – If there's a perceived threat, your body gets ready to defend or escape. You might feel anxious, angry, restless, or tense.
Freeze or shutdown – If escape feels impossible, your system may go into shutdown. You might feel numb, spaced out, or disconnected.
These are biological responses — not choices or character flaws.
Why Your Past Matters
Your nervous system doesn’t just react to what's happening now. It’s shaped by your past. Especially your earliest relationships and environments.
If you grew up with:
Unpredictable caregivers
Chronic stress or trauma
Environments where emotions weren’t safe
...then your nervous system may have learned to stay on high alert, even when the danger has long passed.
This can show up as:
Overreacting to small triggers
Struggling to relax or feel safe
Avoiding closeness or becoming overly dependent
Feeling stuck in cycles of anxiety, shutdown, or self-blame
Again, this isn’t your fault. It’s a pattern your body learned to keep you safe.
Signs of a Regulated Nervous System
Healing is possible — and it doesn’t mean never feeling anxious or upset again. It means becoming more flexible in your responses and able to come back to calm more easily.
Some signs you’re moving towards regulation:
You can pause before reacting
Emotions feel tolerable, not overwhelming
You feel safe enough to rest and enjoy connection
You can recognise when you're dysregulated and know what helps
You can hold both joy and discomfort without needing to shut down
Ways to Support Your Nervous System
The good news? You can teach your nervous system what safety feels like — slowly, gently, over time.
Try starting with:
Grounding practices – Deep breathing, feeling your feet on the floor, naming what you see around you.
Co-regulation – Connecting with safe people who help you feel calmer just by being with them.
Movement – Walking, stretching, shaking out tension can help shift stuck energy.
Self-compassion – Speaking to yourself with warmth when you're struggling.
Routine and rest – Predictability and sleep help your body feel secure.
These aren’t just “nice ideas” — they’re powerful tools for healing.
Final Thought
Your nervous system isn’t the enemy. It’s been working hard to protect you — often in ways you didn’t even realise. By learning to understand it, listen to it, and support it, you're building a new relationship with yourself. One rooted in safety, trust, and care.
That’s not just healing — it’s deeply courageous work.