Attachment Styles: How Your Early Bonds Shape Adult Relationships
Have you ever wondered why you pull away when someone gets close — or why you worry they’ll leave, even when things seem fine?
Our early relationships shape how we relate to others as adults. This is what we call our attachment style — a pattern of connecting that often forms in childhood, based on how our emotional needs were met (or not met).
The Four Main Attachment Styles
Secure – You’re able to give and receive love with trust and balance.
Anxious – You may crave closeness but worry about being abandoned.
Avoidant – You might feel uncomfortable with intimacy or rely on independence to feel safe.
Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganised) – You might desire connection but also fear it, leading to push-pull dynamics.
These styles aren’t fixed or “good vs bad.” They’re learned ways of protecting ourselves — and with awareness, they can change.
What Healing Looks Like
Recognising your patterns – Noticing how you respond to closeness, conflict, or uncertainty
Learning new relational skills – Like expressing needs, setting boundaries, or tolerating healthy intimacy
Offering self-compassion – Your attachment style isn’t your fault
Exploring in therapy – Working with a therapist can help shift these patterns gently and safely
Final Thought
Your past may explain your patterns, but it doesn’t have to define your future. You are allowed to experience relationships that feel safe, reciprocal, and healing.